How We Show Up
THE CONSTANT SUN
The sun is a constant we can all count on. Whether you can see it or not, it’s always present. It rises every morning, turning darkness into light. It sets every evening, seemingly disappearing over the horizon, but simply going to shine its light on the other half of the world. It shines directly overhead, a constant companion and source of light and warmth we love to seek out. The constant sun is a reminder of the faith we have that our Light is always present. If you turn that faith inward, you begin to see the Light of which you’re made ...that constant source of love. Always there, always present, even when you can’t see it through your dark layers of fear. Just like the sun on a cloudy day, your light is always there, waiting to emerge.
Living in Our Box
We try so hard as we navigate life to feel like we belong, that we are loved, that we matter and are enough. Can you imagine going through life and achieving each one of those desires? Can you imagine no longer being afraid or worried of not being enough or not mattering? Can you imagine just knowing you are loved, that you belong? It would be heaven on earth! So what is slowing us down, blocking us, getting in our way? The only thing getting in our way is fear. Fear is the trigger for the Dark cloud that surrounds us and blocks out our Light. Fear is the reason people feel anger, rage, hate, and bitterness.
We define ourselves by our fear, our Dark, and yet inside of each of us is that blazing Light, our soul. The purpose of this blog is to demonstrate the power of our Light to balance our Dark and for it to bring a new perspective to how we choose to live our lives.
The first step to learning to live in our Light is to understand the two parts of who we are, the Light and the Dark, and to see how they affect how we see ourselves and how we believe we need to be in the world. We need to understand where we are starting, to begin our the journey to the Light
If we were to look at how people live their lives, there are 6 basic cardboard boxes that we live in and use to define who we are and how we show up in the world. These cardboard boxes are called Best of the Best, Wallflower, Mr or Ms Right, Fake It Til You Make It, Light-Seekers and Completely You. Within each Box Group, there are shared ways of coping with fears, of making sense of who we are, how to be in relationships and how to be in the world. For 4 of these Box Groups, the Dark (fear) plays out and directs our lives because there is little Light to balance the fear and give us perspective. For 2 of these Box Groups, there is a strong balance of Light and Dark. In general, we all start out in one of the first four groups and then as we learn to connect with our Light we move to Group #5 and then as we live in our Light we move into Group #6. Recognizing which Box Group, we fall into, gives us an understanding and a starting place from which we can begin to make changes. The drawing below depicts what the barriers of each Box Group looks like and the following descriptions explain what it feels like. Remember this is the beginning of the journey, the first steps down that new path to Light.
“Best of the Best”: The people defined by Box Group #1 depicted in the drawing as a spiky burr, aren’t connected to their Light and are controlled by the overriding subconscious belief - “To be safe I need to be the best, the biggest, the most successful, adored, admired.” When they feel on top, they believe they are safe from being judged and rejected, being unloved, being unimportant, not mattering, not being enough. The internal motivation of this belief is the desire for power, authority, admiration and adoration. This need creates a desperate push to achieve, to succeed, to shine brighter than everyone else. To excel at something is wonderful, to feel pressured to always be the best is a burden and creates a cardboard box that gets in the way of people connecting with themselves and others. The spikes are their defenses of feeling superior, acting superior, putting others down, pushing others away. Their need to defend their position on top compels them to put up walls between themselves and the world. Their barrier, the spiky burr, represents this way of being in the world.
“Wallflowers”: Those defined by Box Group #2 have the overriding subconscious belief that “To be safe I need to be unseen, unheard, invisible, unnoticed”. The combination of having this belief and not seeing their Light or soul, results in people with this box seeing themselves as inadequate, worthless, useless, unlovable. This lack of value and the need to be invisible often results in them feeling powerless to change. Some people in this group give up trying and just hide from life and the world. The internal motivation of this belief is to avoid feeling unsafe. Unsafe for # 2’s is being noticed because it sets them up to be judged, rejected, hurt, dismissed, ridiculed for not being enough. The drawing of Barrier #2 depicts deep water which acts as a dense, heavy enclosure that separates them from themselves, others, life and the world. It feels like standing chest deep in the ocean and trying to wade out with the drag of the water pushing back.
“Mr. or Ms. Right”: People living in Box Group #3 also do not see their Light within them. Their way of being in the world is controlled by the overriding belief: “To be safe, I must always be right, always know, always have the answers”. They struggle through life trying to convince themselves and others that they should always be listened to and respected. Some #3’s believe their opinions and thoughts should dictate the course of action. Because they do not see their Light, they have no balance for that huge internal fear of not being right, of not knowing, for if that were to occur they would feel inadequate, worthless, and useless. The internal motivation for this belief is to always be prepared, to always know what to do next, where to go next. They want to feel prepared for whatever is asked from them or needed from them. Barrier #3 is a series of solid and overlapping walls that completely block any other perspective, thought, or idea from penetrating so that they remain safe in their rightness.
“Fake it til you make it”: People who live in Box Group #4 are unable to see their Light, or the walls of belief that surround it. Their overriding subconscious belief is: “To be safe, I must pretend to be the person others expect, demand, and require me to be”. Their life is dictated by “shoulds” which control every aspect of who they are allowed to become. “Shoulds” are their internal motivation: this is what I should do, this is who I should be….Their “shoulds’ are the creative directors for their veneer that masks the person beneath, preventing them and us from seeing either their Light or their Dark. People wearing this cardboard box believe that if they work hard enough, try hard enough, they can become the person they are expected to be. They reject any parts of themselves, good or bad, that might get in the way and blindly struggle towards their goals. When they don’t, they may blame others or life or the world for their failure. Barrier #4 is a series of pointy projections like porcupine quills. These spikes keep people, the world, and reality at a distance so that no one, including themselves, ever gets close enough to see through this false veneer that they have worked so hard to build.
Each of us starts out living primarily with one of those 4 cardboard boxes. As we learn how to see our Light, it begins to change the way we see ourselves and the way we are in the world. It begins to transform our box. We go from being in one of the first 4 box groups and move into a new box group, #5 , that has a smaller, less rigid, more transparent box.
“Light seekers”: Box Group #5 are those people who have just begun to see their Light but they are still struggling with the power of their subconscious beliefs in their lives: holding them back, keeping them safe, pushing others away. Yet they are beginning to know that they are so much more than their beliefs. Seeing, knowing and embracing their Light creates perspective and gives them permission to forgive themselves for their Darkness, and for those moments when their beliefs get in their way. The barriers of group #5 are tall, defined triangular barriers that can still block light and yet there's space between the barriers to let Light radiate out, and to allow others to see who they are inside.
As we begin to not only see our Light but embrace it and live in it, we move to Box Group #6 and our boxes change yet again. They become less solid, more transparent and softer. Looking at people in this Box Group, we see their Light more often than their cardboard boxes. They are less judgmental, rejecting, prickly, needy, scared and more compassionate, loving, clear, self-reliant and self-accepting.
“Completely you”: Box Group #6: The people in this group not only see their Light but are living from their Light. When we live from our Light, 4 changes start to occur.
We have greater clarity and understanding of how our beliefs are getting in our way and controlling us. By seeing and understanding our beliefs, we can then begin to accept their presence and forgive ourselves when we get caught up in them.
When we are triggered to respond with anger, rage, hate, we see those experiences as gifts, as teaching moments to help us understand what our beliefs are and how they are getting in our way.
When others are caught up in their Darkness, we begin to have compassion for them. We judge less, condemn less and accept more.
When we are feeling stuck in our beliefs and only see the Dark, we are able to connect with our Light to gain perspective. We can see that the Dark, our beliefs, are only a small part of who we are. With this shift in perspective, the Dark becomes less overwhelming and scary. Instead of living our lives controlled by our beliefs, we can now begin to choose how we want to be in the world living from our Light.
The presence of a strong internal Light has transformed those solid barriers of groups 1 through 5 into semi translucent and smaller structures. There are still barriers, because as humans, we all have fears and beliefs. The difference for Group #6 is that they have learned to see, understand and accept their beliefs from a perspective of Light. Because of this, they can choose how they want to respond to life- either from fear or with love.
The transition from groups 1, 2, 3, or 4 to group 5 and then on to group 6 is a journey we are all capable of making. It is a journey away from fear and Dark toward connecting with and living in our Light, connecting to the Light in others and to the Light of the Divine.
THE SPARK IN THE DARK
when the lights go out
and you sit in darkness
your eyes adjust to the dark
and fairly quickly
the dark feels comfortable
safe & familiar
but if you light a candle
it casts a small warm glow
just a little bit of light
to cut through the darkness
bringing a smile to your face
and warmth to your heart
the flicker of the flame
is all you need
to glimpse the first flicker of remembering
there’s a Light that lives within you
and when you’re ready
you can choose
to see the spark of your internal flame
and acknowledge the Light
shining through the Darkness of your world
Invitation To Go Deeper
To help us figure out which Box Group we belong to, look at the following 4 images and ask: Which image resonates with: who you are in the world. This isn’t about where you want to be or hope to eventually be, but who you are and how you are right now.
Close your eyes and focus on the sensations of breathing out for 1 or 2 minutes to help you let go of thinking and to relax. Now look and notice which one your eyes tend to rest on, keep coming back to. Notice which one resonates with you- feels right. It doesn’t need to make sense, the answer comes from your innate knowing. This is not a logic problem in which you need to think long and hard to come up with the right answer.
This exercise works best if we choose the image without knowing the answers, so they are found at the very end of this blog. This gives us a chance to relax and choose and then take a peek and see which Box Group resonates most.
Music tip for this blog :
The song
Answers: Upper Left: #1, Upper Right: #2, Lower Left #3 and Lower Right #4.